Unlike intelligence, your relationship IQ cannot be measured and put forth with a simple score. Your relationship IQ determines the type of partner you are in your relationships. This is because a relationship is a complex of emotions, aspirations, expectations, quirks and two people, who are either too similar and hence vying for the same resources; or too dissimilar and looking at things in completely differing ways. The only in between here is when the two people (similar or as different as chalk and cheese) manage to strike a balance. That is where your relationship IQ hinges. So find out the factors that determine your relationship IQ.
Fight or Flight: Many couples reach the flight or fight mode when faced with the possibility of a conflict. While both may be considered extreme measures, the relationship IQ will swing in favour of the partner who decides to ignore this instinct to work towards discussion and a balanced approach without getting personal about the matter at hand. This is also where the couple gets a chance to be a team.
Closed Chapter or Open to Ideas: When you are faced with a scenario where you see potential pressure to change, your automatic reaction may be to close the chapter and simply say a resounding No! But, you have a high relationship IQ if instead of a No, you try and look at things from the other person’s point of view. There may be some logic there that you were missing. This also builds understanding and develops a bond of mutual respect and trust between the two partners. When you are open to your partner’s ideas, you show that you respect him or her.
End of the World or Beginning of a New Argument: How you behave during an argument is also a major measure of your relationship IQ. When in an argument, do you pick up points from the past? Do you howl the roof down at every accusation that you perceive, predicting the end of the relationship and your life? Do you instantly begin to talk about how ungrateful your partner is for having “just said that”? Or do you take each new argument, justification and sentence to a whole new level where it is carefully picked apart, misconstrued and then held against the partner who is put on a fresh trial? There goes your relationship IQ. Partners who stick to the argument and do not take things personally or hit back, or predict doom are more likely to demonstrate a higher score in the relationship IQ stakes.
Equity: We are all busy making a huge hue and cry about how both partners must be equal. Feminism in particular has come to bedroom in the form of a war cry. A high relationship IQ means that you understand one very vital fact – both partners have their own place and space in a relationship. There are things that one can handle and the other may not be able to. It has nothing to do with being a male or a female, and everything to do with being a team and supporting each to build a balanced equation.
Expectations: Managing expectations is a major part of managing your relationship. But anyone with a high relationship IQ will tell you this – you do not need to remove your expectations or sublime them in order to manage them. Knowing the right time and place, even as we recognise the differing context of the same thing said or done in a different setting, is a vital part of displaying a high level of relationship IQ. You need to know that you are bound to expect everything from your partner – after all, who else will you be left with, when the parents are gone, and the children fly the nest? Each other. You will only have each other. So gently nudge him to understand your expectations. And sincerely follow him as he shows you his. Treasure each other this way for a fine relationship to emerge.