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Why do we make our desires the most difficult thing to experience?

Let me give you an example. So let’s say I value happiness. It’s important for me to you to be happy. We tend to put so many conditions before we can experience happiness. We might say to ourselves, ‘I’ll be happy when my family is happy’ or’ I am happy when my child does well in school’ or ‘I am happy when my company bags a project’ – if such and such happens, I’ll be happy.

What if these things don’t happen? The family can’t be happy ALL the time, your child may not do well in school or your company might not bag the project . What happens then? What happens is that our happiness goes for a toss and we give ourselves evidence why we CAN’T be happy. Hence, achieving the very opposite of what we wanted the most! We end up focussing on what we do not have instead of being open to opportunities that we may not have imagined!

Same is the case with everything else that we desire. Let’s say, I want to experience self worth. So the list starts. I’ll feel self worth when I run a marathon or when I achieve this or that. Chances are that these things may not happen. And we’ve once again sabotaged our experience of the very thing that’s most important to us!

So, what’s the solution here? How do we experience these values or our desires? The simplest way is by giving ourselves numerous options. If only we could just give ourselves options on being happy. For example, in addition to feeling happy when the family is happy, let’s say I was to say, ‘I’m happy every time I think of my childhood or I’m happy when I read a good book or do a good workout or talk to a good friend.’ There are numerous things that we do; things that give us happiness. But by not being aware of them, we consciously don’t acknowledge them and limit our choices of being happy.

We lay conditions and more conditions – this has to happen before we can experience joy or success or fulfillment, or that has to happen. Why can’t we just experience these emotions from multiple situations or events? And why can’t we think of more options that are directly in our control? Even memories can give us happiness and thoughts can make us experience success. We just need to find the right thoughts to focus on. Happy thoughts propel happiness into our lives. Apply the same theories to abundance, child rearing, relationships and other areas of your life.

Worth exploring, isn’t it? Why not make a list of things that make you happy? Just to feel happy. Go on and try it out – might just be an eye opener to realise that we don’t need to do anything to be happy really. There’s enough where your existing happiness comes from. Only we need to start noticing.

Life was not designed to be tough – we started overthinking and made it so – isn’t it?

About the author

Payal & Priyanka

Payal & Priyanka

Payal and Priyanka are a pair of Army Wives who are dedicated to the cause of life! These NLP life coaches with their brand called Wings Team. Read their blogs posts on Wednesday Wisdom, right here on to know more about life and life coaching! Highly qualified, highly professional and always ready to spread some cheer with their unique methods – that is the best way to define the two founders of Wings Team!

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