Here’s what we should do on the New Earth(s)

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Here’s what we should do on the New Earth(s)
Thursday, February 23, 2017 @ 11:46 AM
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NASA has found a new solar system with seven Earth like planets (as far as size and elements as well as life support goes), circling a dwarf like light and heat giving star. While this has become a major talking point the world over, we cannot help but voice the multiple jokes bubbling to the surface. So, in keeping with the good humour, here is our take on what we should all do on our new planets.

– Beam ’em in: To begin with, let us get our transport sorted. In order to get to the new planet, all our online travel E Commerce portals will come up with special fares that will also offer free lessons on gravity. Once people actually start to migrate, they will raise the fares in keeping with the concept of reverse economy where we price every necessity at an all time high. Ditto for real estate. Ditto for food. Ditto for water. Ditto for air. Ditto ditto ditto for clothing. Because if we do not continue to make money by ripping people off every single day, what else will we do?

– Communication: WhatsApp and Facebook will have to launch interstellar networks so that our thoughts are communicated without having to touch, swipe, tap or Heaven forbid, type! Yes, such will the uselessness of our being and laziness quotient now that we have a whole new solar system to holiday in.

– Plunder: Speaking of which, we now also have not one, not two, but seven more planets that we can rape, loot and plunder. We will be seen getting a head start by sending out teams to do an assessment of the state of the natural resources and the current life forms so that we can conveniently overuse, overthrow and basically depict a crisis situation even before half our humans get there. Activist groups will get activated before you can spell the word on auto correct. The well heeled lot will grab all they can before they stash away the same to join the activists with oversized, designer loudspeakers. Such a wonderful plan!

– Protect: From plunder we come straight down to protect. The United States of America will obviously have an upper hand in this matter. The current administration will get there first and roll the visa rejection ball for the rest of us mere mortals. Walls and borders will be erected to keep the existing people out of the new nation states. This new policy will be called “Borderline Trump”.

– Entertain: We will also be seen launching a new reality show series where we will send choice samples from our television industry (the Kardashians, anyone?) to show what life there will be like. This will obviously be boring as hell and supremely unaffordable at first glance. A script writer will be beamed in and the rest will be TRP history! Finally, the news channels will zoom in to ask the existing masses there how they feel about all the chaos. Ka Ching!

– Racism: And finally, every which way of being will be brought under scrutiny starting from one’s colour to size of fingers and all kinds of orientation. Things that people may not have noticed about themselves and each other will be put under a glaring spotlight of differentiation and the market will be open for all kinds of finger pointing and shaming. Basically, not a dull moment will be spared.

Looking forward to relocating, yet?

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