You go to a friend’s place for dinner, and she has made the same salad that you make; yet hers tastes different. You ask her for which dressings did she add which is giving that distinct flavour. And somewhere, you may even judge your own salad making skills.
I go through such feelings some times. There are days when I feel I am not as skilled as someone. Or that I could be better… if only…!
And such thoughts used to lead me to feel lower – smaller. Not inspired, as I had hoped, but lesser. Till I coached myself, and reframed it all.
My first thoughts – What if I borrow these traits from them and learn.. But somehow ‘borrowed’ had a temporary feel to it… I wanted these changes to be permanent.
So, I decided to model the excellence of all the people I admired for their traits. Almost being a sponge soaking up their skills. To absorb their brilliance. To add their dressing to my salad, to check, how the new flavour sits with me.
That is when I came up with a list, some weeks ago. A list of people who I looked up to, my very real personal idols. And I added to the list every day. What to do, I am surrounded by brilliance! Soon, there were some highly interesting people who came and sat on my list. I had my hair dresser because I always admired his way of connecting with people, his clients. He gave more than he got. Then it was my eldest cousin sister who never complained about anyone and always…always… had an ability to find something to feel thankful for. Then there was a visiting Army general who had the ability to engage an audience of over 150 people just by his mere presence.
NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) speaks about the ability of changing the word you use to describe something, to another word, to change its meaning completely. I started the project with much enthusiasm and started noticing people and their valuable traits more keenly. From something that made me feel small, I reframed it to feeling excitement… Because with this new list and skills, I knew I would be more than myself…
Because of this new project in hand, rather than focusing on WHY and HOW I felt smaller. I began looking at how and why I could be better. This is NLP at work. Change your focus. I’m so thankful that I could manage to coach myself and find the strategy that is more empowering, and did not restrict me in any way.
And if I can do it , you can do it, too – it’s all about modelling brilliance. So, I invite you to curate your own list of your personal ideas so that you, too, can absorb their brilliance… And add a different, special flavor to your being.