“I don’t even know what I really want – all I know is that life could be more – I could be more, There’s nothing wrong with my life – in fact, anyone looking at it from outside would probably envy me – and yet, I feel there’s something lacking,” I knew I was rambling and I carried on. It felt nice to be able to voice the conflicts and confusion in my head.
And so I went on – “you know, I’m fairly successful – but still that doesn’t give me the kick that I thought it would. I think it’s the mid-life crisis or some similar stuff!” And now I looked at my coach – sitting by my side – just listening to me. And that got me – what was it about her that I was able to ramble on about things I never even thought about in my routine life. It was as if she was totally on my side. I didn’t need to give explanations or feel guilty about feeling empty in spite of the life I had.
And then, in a tone of total acceptance she asked a few questions – which made me think – like, really think. And her questions had nothing to do with my work or family. These were questions about what really mattered to me – my values and beliefs. She asked me if my success aligned with who I really thought I was. She asked me to define my identity – who I thought I was, who I was being in different situations and who I’d like to become. I thought about all my roles and all my behaviors. I thought about congruency of behaviors and values. In fact, I thought as I’d never thought before – and it was as if doors within me opened one by one – each revealing a facet of myself I’d never seen. And I looked at my life from various angles, through the eyes of different people – and each view changed my perception of my world.
When I left, I was in deep though – a lot more aware of myself and what I really stood for. There were beliefs I’d held in life I wasn’t even aware of – some were building me up and yet some were strong stumbling blocks. I still didn’t know how to get over those – I could see where I wanted to reach – the route had to yet get defined. There’s so much that I’ve allowed in life – I’ve allowed life to happen to me rather than my crafting out my life. Sure, I’ve taken charge now and then – but in this journey, I often lost sight of what really and truly mattered.
With this new clarity, came new hopes and a new enthusiasm to write my own story now. The first date with self had been exciting – now the work towards making it a lifelong blissful relationship had to begin – and I looked forward to meeting myself again!